Lapham Peak Family Photos | Cora’s Birth Story
Hey friends,
I have something a little different on my blog today. I got to meet the Mohr Family for the first time when we took these photos and I found them to be extraordinarily kind, gracious, and authentic. So instead of me writing this blog post, I asked Jess to share her family’s story. It’s one that is full of heartbreak, hope, and healing. After experiencing the stillbirth of their daughter, Cora, this past April, the Mohr family looks at life a little differently. Jess hopes that their story will provide encouragement and comfort to someone else who’s walking through the same waters. I was honored to photograph the Mohr family, and I’m equally honored to share their story with you.
To the Mohr Family,
Thank you for sharing your story and for the light that you bring into this world.
Much love,
Carley
Can you share a bit of your family's story and how Cora has shaped your lives?
Cora was a beautiful little girl. I could feel her moving from only 10 weeks pregnant, and she was a mover throughout the pregnancy. Our other daughter, Hannah, loved to feel her move and kick inside “mama’s tummy”. Cora was stillborn on April 5, 2020 when I was 38 weeks and 3 days pregnant. She was a tiny peanut, 18 inches long and weighed 4 pounds, 11 ounces on the day she was born.
The day I went into labor, we were so excited. When I called OB Triage to tell them I was in labor, the nurse asked me if I had felt movement that day, and when I paused to think about it, I hadn’t. She asked me to continue to labor at home for an hour, and when I still hadn’t felt movement within that hour we went to the hospital. The time spent at the hospital was traumatic both emotionally and physically . I was in labor and the nurses and doctors in the room worked very hard to find Cora’s heartbeat. In the midst of labor, they were able to rush me upstairs in an elevator to a room with the NICU team present. As the doctor continued to use the ultrasound she finally broke the news, “I’m so sorry, I can’t find the heartbeat”.
The news of her passing was unbearable. A few minutes after hearing she had passed, she arrived and all I could do was cry and hold onto my husband in complete disbelief and heartbreak. The nurses dressed her in a white dress made from wedding gowns and let us hold her for the few hours we stayed at the hospital. We were able to have a visitation at the funeral home to say goodbye to our baby girl. She was then cremated and laid to rest in the columbarium at the church we attend. Our pastor and parents were there to support us throughout that week (due to COVID-19 we weren’t able to have additional family and friends attend the funeral or visitation).
Not a day has gone by where I don’t think of her. I miss her immensely. Her life had meaning and she has forever changed me. She has taught me how fragile life is and to cherish the moments you have with loved ones, to not take them for granted. I can also say that her little life has helped me deepen my faith as a Christian as I sought the Bible for comfort to get me through those first few weeks especially and reached out to God in prayer in so many of those difficult moments.
As a family, we will never forget her. Her photos, footprints, and other memorials are displayed in our house as reminders of her sweet little life. Hannah knows about her little sister, and although isn’t quite old enough to comprehend it all and ask questions, she has embraced the few things she has been told. She knows her little sister is in heaven with Jesus and that we will all get to see her again someday.
Many people struggle with knowing how to be supportive in situations like this for fear of saying/doing the wrong thing. What is some advice that you can give to people hoping to support a friend who's experienced a stillbirth?
Just hearing, “I don’t know what to say, but I’m thinking of you and praying for you” were some of the kindest words. People sent cards and gifts and food to help us get through those first few weeks and they were so needed and appreciated. I’ve had a couple friends remember her monthly anniversaries too and that means the world to me.
Like I mentioned before, I think of her every single day. It’s so nice to know someone else is thinking of her too, that she hasn’t been forgotten. I have friends who have had similar experiences (whether it be miscarriage, stillbirth, or child loss), and hearing from them about what they went through was also very appreciated as it helped me to know I wasn’t alone in such a painful experience.
I still reach out to other bereaved parents or close friends in those difficult moments that arise unexpectedly, and it’s comforting to have someone there just to listen. Knowing there are people out there who I can send the text, “I’m really missing Cora right now” and be met in return with support and love has also helped.
What advice would you give to a mama that is in the same spot that you were in?
Oh it is so hard. And honestly, some days it’s still really hard even after six months have passed. Everyone grieves differently, so however you grieve, just let it out. Don’t worry about what other people may think. If you need to cry, cry. If you need time alone, take it. If you need to talk, talk. If you need to blare music, blare it. If you need to get out of the house and run a mile as fast as you can, go. If you need to grab a pen and journal and just write it all out, do it. And have grace with yourself. I went over that last week and that last day in my mind a thousand times. I wish I could have done something to save her. But the truth is sometimes babies just die and it's out of our hands. And it's really, really hard. And it hurts a lot. I’ve found comfort in reading the bible and in prayer. Also, in talking with other mama’s who have lost their babies or reading books or blogs about others experiences. It’s helpful to connect with others who “get it”.
And finally, lean on your support group. And if you don’t have a solid support group already, reach out to your doctor or hospital because there are so many support groups both online and in-person that can help get you connected to people. There are also counselors out there too, who can provide support and help you during this difficult time. Sometimes the grief journey can make you feel like you are all alone, but you're not. In my experience, my family and close friends have been my “village”. My husband has been my rock and confidant at the times when I’ve needed him the most. Our daughter, Hannah is our little ray of sunshine who made us laugh even on those days I spent most of the time crying. And our parents too. We couldn’t have gotten through all of this without their love and support. But it also takes being open about your feelings and being vulnerable at times so others know how to best support you.
